🧬 Jalen Brown Invests in Junk Science

The last (and only) time the Chicago Bears were sold was in 1920 when George Halas bought the team for $100.

Adjusted for inflation, that’s just $1,627.30 today. Yet some people are skeptical that the team is even worth $100. Sports hatred knows no end.

In today’s newsletter:

🗞 The Big Story: NFL Owners Chose Soccer Over Football

📉 Biggest Loser: Jalen Brown Invests in Junk Science

🏆 Winner’s Circle: Nike Drops the First Foot-Massaging Shoe

🗞 The Big Story

NFL owners are finally spending millions of dollars to do the one thing every player has been asking for…

But they still found a way to mess it up completely.

Background: Recently, six NFL stadiums with turf have temporarily switched to natural grass to host soccer matches during the Copa America.

They did this because, unlike the NFL, nearly every international soccer tournament requires their matches to be played on natural grass surfaces.

So owners in:

• Atlanta (Mercedez-Benz Stadium)

• Dallas (AT&T Stadium)

• Charlotte (Bank of America Stadium)

• Los Angeles (SoFi Stadium)

• Houston (NRG Stadium)

• New York (MetLife Stadium)

Installed temporary rolls of natural grass on top of their existing turf fields while matches are being played this summer. There’s just one problem:

The athletes seem to hate this solution more than the turf.

Backlash: Players from Argentina and Canada complained about how the sod in Atlanta’s Mercedez-Benz Stadium was a “disaster” and felt “hallow” and “very bumpy” like “a trampoline.”

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, players from Brazil and Costa Rica complained about how small the pitch had to be to fit within SoFi Stadium.

Opportunity Cost: Luckily for these NFL owners, they’ll have two years to decide how to proceed before the World Cup comes to North America in 2026.

For example, MetLife Stadium already plans to spend $16 million to remove seats to fit a FIFA regulation-size pitch, but that still doesn’t answer the biggest question:

What about the playing surface?

It’s estimated that permanently switching to natural grass would only cost about $3-$4 million, but if owners were to do that, they wouldn’t make as much money hosting college football games, concerts, and other events in their stadiums on non-game days.

So it seems like these temporary rolls of sod are as good as it’s going to get.

📉 Biggest Loser

What the heck is this thing around Jaylen Brown’s neck?

I looked into it, and more people need to talk about how ridiculous this thing is.

Background: For the last few months, Brown has been seen in interviews, public appearances, and even at the championship parade wearing a device called the Hapbee Smart Wearable.

It costs $200 and claims to use patented technology to digitally send things like:

• Caffeine

• Melatonin

• CBD

• Nicotine

• THC

Directly into your body through ultra-low-frequency radio waves.

The device connects to an app on your phone, where you can select between 25 different “blends” that help you feel happier, more alert, focused, or relaxed.

However, you also have to pay for a $20 per month membership to use the app.

Sign the Check: Brown not only wears this product but also participated in a $2.8 million investment round in Hapbee in March and was named the company’s Chief Innovation Officer.

I guess when you make over $50 million per year, you can waste your money on whatever you want.

🏆 Winner’s Circle

These new Nike shoes promise to massage your feet while you’re walking, and they could be the reason 100 USA athletes win gold at the Olympics this year.

Background: Nike and sports-recovery brand Hyperice just released a shoe that claims to have the same benefits as those giant recovery leg sleeves.

Designers say they’ve worked for over two years to perfect the shoes, which include multiple air bladders and warming elements in the upper part that can expand to push heat into muscle tissue.

How It Works: Each shoe can be controlled independently and features three different levels of heat and compression, which allow an athlete’s foot, ankle, and Achilles to warm up and recover while they’re simply walking around.

The shoes are powered by a battery back in each insole, and according to the founder of Hyperice, you’re even allowed to fly on a plane with them, although he did admit to being stopped by TSA while wearing them.

But that’s not even the best part.

Recovery Vest: Nike and Hyperice also developed a vest with similar technology, except it’ll also use thermoelectric coolers that can automatically monitor and maintain an athlete’s body temperature during training and recovery, all while using the same air bladders and pressure sensors to maximize the effectiveness of the heating and cooling.

It’s been reported that 100 Nike-endorsed athletes will receive both products before the 2024 Paris Olympics. Athletes like LeBron James, who have already received the products, have called them “game changers.”

⏱ In Other News

• JaMarcus Russell is not a good guy, confirmed.

• TNT pivots away from basketball.

• Is Fanatics about to ruin NHL jerseys, too?

🎁 Share the Bottom of the Ninth

When you refer new readers to the Bottom of the Ninth, you win exclusive prizes.

➡️ Here is your unique link to share: https://bottom-of-the-ninth.beehiiv.com/subscribe?ref=PLACEHOLDER

You’re currently at 0. That’s only 1 away from receiving a Bottom of the Ninth Sticker!

*Please do not use fake email addresses — they will not qualify as referrals. Thank you!

👋 Happy Friday! 🇺🇸

If you’re working today, I suggest you seriously consider getting a new job. And if you are working today, remember: nobody else is.

So maybe read another edition of Bottom of the Ninth to look like you’re staying busy.