📉 What The Hell is Going on with the New Orleans Pelicans?

I'm off to Eugene, OR, to watch my alma mater take on the No. 8 Oregon Ducks. And while you may be thinking to yourself, “wow, I can’t believe you’re going when the Gophers are 24-point underdogs.”

Need I remind you that the Gophers are riding the momentum from their last win against the Ducks in their unforgettable 31-30 win in the 2003 Sun Bowl?

I hope you read that with as much sarcasm as I wrote it with, Ski-U-Mah.

In today’s newsletter:

🗞 The Big Story: What The Hell is Going on with the New Orleans Pelicans?

📉 Biggest Loser: Meet the Football Player Who’s Going From the NFL to College Football (Seriously)

🏆 Winner’s Circle: The NFL’s Least Popular Rule Just Saved a Player’s Life

🗞 The Big Story

What the hell is going on with the New Orleans Pelicans? Not only are they one of the worst teams in the NBA right now, but some fans are starting to notice that there might be a much larger conspiracy at play. Let me explain.

Tinfoil Hat: It’s one thing for a team to give up on the court, but what has shocked a lot of Pelicans fans this season is the fact that the team seems to have given up off the court as well. According to retroPels on Twitter: 

• The team only created a promotional calendar for the season after online pressure from fans

• They’ve cancelled their upcoming draft watch parties for the public

• They’re the only team in the NBA without a digital marketing slogan

So what’s actually going on here?

Expansion Woes: Earlier this summer, there was a meeting between NBA owners about potential expansion, which has seemed inevitable for years, but according to The Athletic, after the NBA’s latest 11-year, $76 billion media rights deal was signed, momentum to add two more teams right now is “not overwhelming.”

Now, the reason for this change of heart is obvious; owners don’t want to split that new media revenue with two additional teams.

But if expansion is now off the table, then how does Adam Silver plan to get the NBA to Seattle and Las Vegas, like all the headlines suggest he wants to?

Unfortunately, the answer for Pelicans fans is to relocate two existing teams.

The Unfortunate Truth: Because when you combine the fact that the team’s arena lease is up in less than four years with their lackluster attendance, it makes sense why the Pelicans’ owner seems to be giving up on investing in the team’s New Orleans fan base.

And a fair warning to Memphis Grizzlies fans, you might be next.

📉 Biggest Loser

The craziest story in college football right now involves a player you’ve probably never heard of, but it should worry every college sports fan across the country.

Background: This is Nathaniel Salmon, and after graduating high school in New Zealand in 2022, the 6’7”, 270-pound basketball player decided to turn pro and play in Australia’s NBL, where he averaged 5.3 points and 1.9 rebounds per game.

But then, in 2024, his life changed forever.

That’s because after getting invited to a local NFL camp, Salmon’s combination of size and athleticism impressed scouts enough to earn him one of 14 invites into the league’s International Player Pathway program for 2025.

To the League: It’s important to note that, as of mid-2024, Salmon had never even touched an American football; still, the same program that turned Australian Rugby star Jordan Mailata into an All-Pro offensive lineman saw enough potential in the 20-year-old to bring him out to Florida’s IMG Academy, where he trained as a tight end for 10 weeks earlier this year.

Here, Salmon impressed scouts again, and even though he wasn’t drafted, he did join the Los Angeles Chargers for the rookie mini-camp this summer as an undrafted free agent.

However, this is where the story begins to take a strange turn.

Back to School: Because, even though Salmon technically made it to the NFL, since he never played college football, the NCAA ruled that he still retained all four years of eligibility. This led to the 21-year-old TE receiving several high-level D1 offers to play college football next year.

And honestly, I think Michigan State basketball head coach, Tom Izzo, sums up the situation best:

🏆 Winner’s Circle

One of the NFL’s least popular rules might have just saved a player’s life, but not for the reason you might think.

NFL’s Random Drug Tests: If you’re a football fan, you might recognize the slip of paper below. It’s put in a player’s locker the day after a game if they get selected for a “random” drug test.

However, as a lot of players will point out, these “random” selections don’t feel all that random. Just ask Saquon Barkley, who was required to pee into a cup the day after hitting his reverse hurdle, or Jag’s kicker, Cam Little, who was “randomly” selected after booting an NFL-record 68-yard field goal.

Now, when the NFL drug tests players, it’s checking for:

• Anabolic Steroids (e.g., testosterone and nandrolone)

• Protein and Peptide Hormones (e.g., human growth hormone of hGH)

• Stimulants (e.g., Adderall)

And even though 99% of them pass with flying colors, for at least one player, this test might have just saved his life.

Testing Positive: This is Alex Singleton, and after another impressive 10-tackle performance against the Houston Texans in Week 9, the team’s leading tackler received one of these slips in his locker on Monday morning.

However, unlike most players, Singleton’s results were flagged for elevated levels of a hormone called hCG. Now, hCG isn’t some performing-enhancing drug; in fact, it’s typically only produced by the placenta of pregnant women. And since Singleton obviously isn’t pregnant, doctors concluded that it could be a sign of cancer, which was confirmed later that same day when a CT scan found a tumor in his testicle.

But that’s not even the craziest part.

Because just four days after learning that he had cancer, Singleton suited up for the team’s 10-7 win against the Las Vegas Raiders, and then 24 hours later, he underwent surgery to remove the tumor.

Luckily, doctors don’t think the cancer has spread anywhere else, which means Singleton could return in just a few weeks.

This guy might be my new favorite for Comeback Player of the Year.

⏱️ In Other News

• We’re not getting ESPN back anytime soon.

• Justice for @PeteTakes

• Meet the former NFL QB with a $1M side hustle

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👋🏻 Happy Friday!

I went down a bit of a rabbit hole on this Gopher-Duck rivalry. The two teams have only played each other four times (in 1961, 1975, 1999, and 2003), and Minnesota leads the series 3-1.

In the team’s last meeting in the 2003 Sun Bowl, Minnesota won on a last-second field goal at the foot of their English kicker, Rhys Lloyd (nicknamed ‘Winston Churchill’ because, according to him, “I never get nervous for some reason. I'm kind of a laid-back person. I just clear my mind and kick the ball.”)

Another interesting fact from this specific game is that Minnesota entered it with the nation’s third-best rushing offense, averaging 293.2 yards per game!

Dare I say this was a blueprint game for 2025?